Darkness

Darkness,

I feel complete, alone with you.

All my mistakes,

All my iniquities,

All my flaws are covered by your cloak.

I have control, alone with you.

All my actions,

All my choices,

My every move is concealed by you.

And I need not justify them to anyone.

Nobody can criticize me and say

“You should have not done that”

When they know not what I’ve done.

Nobody can question me and ask,

“Why did you do what you did?”

When they’ve seen not what I’ve become.

How I plaster over tiny cracks,

Paint and sand back smooth.

But deny the desperate structural flaws.

Yet…

I know what I have done.

I cannot hide my sin.

I own my guilt.

I own my shame.

I cannot free myself from my pain.

I need God.

God,

I’m so frightened here, alone.

Take this life. Take this heart.

I need You to take this person, I am known.

Break this life and break this heart.

I hand my life over to You.

Let Your light shine right through me.

Let the darkness no longer rule me.

These bitter winds no longer blow right through me.

But hold me close, let Your love pursue me.

And bring me back to You.

Amen.